Something that I worked hard on through Nidra training was my unconscious/conscious action of worrying what others think about me and letting that influence heavily my actions. Not in a healthy way. In a I went from having more pingala to being suuuuuuper ida. Pingala is the masculine energy. Strong, upfront, loud. Ida is the feminine energy. Soft, recessed, quite. In the last weekend of training one of the trainers said I was very much Ida. When delivering my Nidra my voice was soft, too soft, to the point of not being understood. I so much have become scared, recessed, quite. Not wanting to rock boats. Upset people. I became so serving to others I wasn't allowing for self. I sometimes still find myself about to drop down that rabbit hole, but now I can stop that, pull back, and change the course. I am a constant work in progress. I feel no guilt now saying that. No need to make excuses. The voices of doubt are there, but I choose to ignore them. I sometimes find myself feeling the strong emotions of others around me. Especially in class. It leads to me thinking I did something wrong and that person is mad at me. Samaskara I picked up working at BB. Working on breaking that. Letting the groove it has carved into me heal. I have this fear that I am constantly fucking up. In pretty much everything. That is my humanity. My own critisism. My own darkness. In class it is very interesting to hear the different views others have and how some accept others views or others shut them down and out. We got onto the conversation of lightness and darkness internally. I myself tend to lean more towards the darkness. Darkness and Lightness are not evil and good. They are two energies that balance. In chaos there is simplicity.
Some of the simplest things are the best answers.
