Two EVENTFUL weeks into this year..
things happened. things that TRULY make you stop and wonder.. the more and more I see the "bad guy" get rewarded and the "nice" guy get shit on.. realllllly makes one wonder.
March 6: Hubby was informed his employment status was changing. (there is so much and many rage filled words that are frothing at the mouth to be typed in regards to this..)
March 7: a NUMB and heartbreaking 29th birthday. Not because this happened now. It killed me to see my husband like this.
Fast forward to today, the 21st and things are less numb. I'm strangely centered and calm about it. Everything else is chaos like usual in my universe. :)
My brother and his awesome girl friend Kayla came out to visit over the Irish weekend. Learned finally how to maintain the pool from my brother (thank goodness he knows!) a lot of laughs, Ella shadowing Kayla everywhere.. too cute..and getting to hang out with Kayla while the guys took off to the car junk yard to search for Subaru parts. Miss them!!
Tomorrow night hubby and I are going to an UMphreys McGee show and I can't wait! Really looking forward to tomorrow! I just want to see him smile. Dance and let go.
just be <3
So here's to the last year of the 20's. FUCKING A!
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Cultivating a Home Practice
Is way easier said than done. Well for the average non-trained yogi. I've always had a hard time cultivating let alone deal with my snobby ego that tells me I can only do yoga with instruction in a studio. Going to a studio right now is not something I can swing so instead I am going to use a combo of things to help me grow a home practice.
Pinterest
Yoga Deck 1 and 2 ( bought these many moons ago.. never used them.. haha)
YogaGlo.com ($18 a month, NO studio can beat that.. unless they have day care..)
TIU
Protandim
Since I like structure in my yoga and flow.. ashtanga seems like a good starting place for ME. Each yogi is different. I won't be stick ashtanga, I want to use it more for the set sequences, and lots of flow. I LOVE a smart well sequenced strong flow class. Something that challenges my body and my mind on a physical level. Pushing through. Keeping safe. Breath.
My husband bought me a beautiful hand made leather buddha journal a few weeks back and it is perfect for this.
My husband is an amazing man. He supports me. Loves me. <3
Let it Flow!
Yoga Deck 1 and 2 ( bought these many moons ago.. never used them.. haha)
YogaGlo.com ($18 a month, NO studio can beat that.. unless they have day care..)
TIU
Protandim
Since I like structure in my yoga and flow.. ashtanga seems like a good starting place for ME. Each yogi is different. I won't be stick ashtanga, I want to use it more for the set sequences, and lots of flow. I LOVE a smart well sequenced strong flow class. Something that challenges my body and my mind on a physical level. Pushing through. Keeping safe. Breath.
My husband bought me a beautiful hand made leather buddha journal a few weeks back and it is perfect for this.
My husband is an amazing man. He supports me. Loves me. <3
Let it Flow!
Year 28
I spent this last year energetically miserable.
The one thing I have always struggled with in my life is having female friends. That large group of tight knit sisters that have your back, go out dancing, check on you, and give a shit.
All I want is acceptance and inclusion. I want to be part of a group of women. That I am regarded more than just disposable, a stepping stone, being used to better another person. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is not an invitation to shit on me.
When I needed rallying the most I was pushed out the hardest. I've spent my 28th year couped up in my house with my child while my wonderful and amazing husband is out making the bacon to keep giving us the beautiful life we have. My husband supports and loves me unlike anyone.
Its when I am alone that my mind starts to think. Over think. Wonder. Beat myself up. Tear myself down. Tell myself I am not good enough. That I'm fucked up. Cry my eyes out. Feel empty and lonely.
I'm not very good at asking for help. My pride/ego are controling right now. Three people check on me without having to be asked. Those three people are my life lines. My Husband. My AZ Mom. My Mentor. I have to give it to my husband. He is an intensely strong man who loves me for me and boosts me up and supports me. <3 He is my heart.
Last night I broke down while eating dinner at a resturant. Bawled my eyes out silently in my husbands arms. I feel so small.
He asks me some questions that make me think.
Why do I want the acceptance and inclusion of people that didn't in the 1st place? He has an excellent point. Do they deserve your energy and time? No they don't.
He points out that I do have a circle of women. They may not all be connected, but I do have a beautiful network. To this network of women I apologize. You are there and I never reached out. I hope you are still there...because I am reaching out now <3
Laura, Michele, Lark, Angie, Elizabeth...
Friday marks the beginning of the 29th year. My last year in the 20's (thank fucking god/goddess!!) I have spent way too much time living stuck in the past. Who I used to be. Pre-Post Pardum Depression. The art student. My parents daughter (mind process). What others think of me. It's time to be me. Post all my past bullshit. I'm cutting cords with my old self with love, pain, anger, happiness, depression, loneliness, and truth. No more letting what others possible thoughts and judgements of me dictate my life/actions/words/thoughts. No more eggshell walking. No more fakery. No more bending over backwards so willingly. My heart will still remain on my sleeve, but you better believe it has a force field around it now that will burn your whole fucking hand off if you try to take advantage.
Time to let the real me back out to play. No more gimp lock up in the back room. No more silent crying by myself.
Good bye old me.
I am Ready
I am Ready to be a better WIFE/MOMMY
I am Ready to start SWIHA in Oct
I am Ready to be ME
The one thing I have always struggled with in my life is having female friends. That large group of tight knit sisters that have your back, go out dancing, check on you, and give a shit.
All I want is acceptance and inclusion. I want to be part of a group of women. That I am regarded more than just disposable, a stepping stone, being used to better another person. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is not an invitation to shit on me.
When I needed rallying the most I was pushed out the hardest. I've spent my 28th year couped up in my house with my child while my wonderful and amazing husband is out making the bacon to keep giving us the beautiful life we have. My husband supports and loves me unlike anyone.
Its when I am alone that my mind starts to think. Over think. Wonder. Beat myself up. Tear myself down. Tell myself I am not good enough. That I'm fucked up. Cry my eyes out. Feel empty and lonely.
I'm not very good at asking for help. My pride/ego are controling right now. Three people check on me without having to be asked. Those three people are my life lines. My Husband. My AZ Mom. My Mentor. I have to give it to my husband. He is an intensely strong man who loves me for me and boosts me up and supports me. <3 He is my heart.
Last night I broke down while eating dinner at a resturant. Bawled my eyes out silently in my husbands arms. I feel so small.
He asks me some questions that make me think.
Why do I want the acceptance and inclusion of people that didn't in the 1st place? He has an excellent point. Do they deserve your energy and time? No they don't.
He points out that I do have a circle of women. They may not all be connected, but I do have a beautiful network. To this network of women I apologize. You are there and I never reached out. I hope you are still there...because I am reaching out now <3
Laura, Michele, Lark, Angie, Elizabeth...
Friday marks the beginning of the 29th year. My last year in the 20's (thank fucking god/goddess!!) I have spent way too much time living stuck in the past. Who I used to be. Pre-Post Pardum Depression. The art student. My parents daughter (mind process). What others think of me. It's time to be me. Post all my past bullshit. I'm cutting cords with my old self with love, pain, anger, happiness, depression, loneliness, and truth. No more letting what others possible thoughts and judgements of me dictate my life/actions/words/thoughts. No more eggshell walking. No more fakery. No more bending over backwards so willingly. My heart will still remain on my sleeve, but you better believe it has a force field around it now that will burn your whole fucking hand off if you try to take advantage.
Time to let the real me back out to play. No more gimp lock up in the back room. No more silent crying by myself.
Good bye old me.
I am Ready
I am Ready to be a better WIFE/MOMMY
I am Ready to start SWIHA in Oct
I am Ready to be ME
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